She said it was my fault for loving her the way that I did…
She said it was my fault…for LOVING HER…THE WAY THAT I DID…
Like the way a mother holds her new born child closely to her bosom
Or the way a father teaches his son how to fish or swim…
Not the love that a pimp gives to his hoe when she brings him back the rent
But even then she’s convinced that he loves her…
She became agitated with me because she was so use to the bs that every man
Fed her…
She no longer longed for long walks on the lakefront but became accustomed to the fuck you mentality…
So every time I came to her with flowers or a love letter as she rejected me time and time again…
I felt more and more like the savior did at Calvary…
My mother always tells me “son…u cant treat em all the same…”
But every time she utters those words from her mouth in the back of my mind I’m thinking “MA…you’re the one to blame”…
You taught me never disrespect a woman and dad told me never put my hands on em…
My homies told me fuck all women cuz they all bitches…
So as I became older and older and wrapped up in trying to figure out what women really wanted…
I’m the one bearing the shame…
My chest is full of pain anguish and sorrow…
Every tear that I shed for one of my exes makes me more hollow and…
I cant even stand seeing my old best friend anymore…
We use to be in love…
They tell me that time heals all wounds but each second that I have to think about all the moments of me and you…
I think about all the unfaithful times and arguments you put me through…
Lies from you to me…
What really did it was finding out that a woman can be in love with more than just one…
She loves him because he’s mandingo…she loves him because he keeps the dough…she loves him because he listens to her and she loves him well because…
Because he was her first love…
As for me…I was none of the above…she told me “Mark…I love you because you’re different”…using my gov’t name…
But being different doesn’t take away the pain of insecurities…
It felt as if I was on trial in the deep south being judged by an all white racist jury for…
For whistling at a white woman walking down the street in 1955…
The verdict of our friend/relationship…Death…
But it all goes back to what she said…
She said it was my fault for LOVING HER…THE WAY THAT I DID…
